


Nemesis

by Flabbyknight



Series: HP Stories [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 20:34:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20880269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flabbyknight/pseuds/Flabbyknight
Summary: How the fight in the graveyard really ended.





	1. Chapter 1

Harry stood up from behind the gravestone and yelled, "Expelliarmus!"

Voldemort sidestepped the spell easily before doing a double take. He raised his hand, "Wait! Stop! Everybody just  _ stop. _ Potter what are you doing?"

Harry faltered, "Dueling?"

Voldemort stared at him incredulously and repeated, "Dueling. Dueling? You call that dueling?! Come on, Potter! This is a fight to the death! Why in the world are you casting  _ Expelliarmus?" _

"To disarm. Why? What do you think I'm trying to do?" he asked, confused.

Voldemort facepalmed, "Potter, what do you not get about the fact that we are  _ fighting to the death _ here! What good is disarming me going to do?! You realize that I can use wandless magic to summon the wand right back to my hand, right? I mean, you've definitely studied my past so you'd know what to expect if you ever had to fight me, haven't you?"

Harry shuffled his feet, looking embarrassed. "I... the thought never occurred to me before."

"Really Potter?  _ Really?" _ Voldemort said, shaking his head in disappointment. "You're supposed to be my nemesis and  _ this _ is the best you can do?"

Harry bristled indignantly, "Hey, I can cast the shield charm and stunners too!"

Voldemort looked at him with pity and said, "That's great Potter, it really is. Except for two things: Avada Kadava bypasses the shield charm, and stunners have a simple and easy counter charm that all my followers can cast." He then waved at the thirty or so men gathered around them. "I mean, even if you somehow hit me with a stunner, then what?"

Harry stood there flummoxed. "I would... uh... let's see…"

Voldemort sighed. "Yeah, that's what I thought. Now I'm just embarrassed for the both of us. I'm regretting ever considering you my nemesis, it just reflects so badly on me. Just... just go, alright? I’m not feeling this fight anymore."

Harry simply stood there with an unsure look on his face until Voldemort made a shooing motion with his hands and said, "Go on, get out of here!" As Harry shuffled over to the Triwizard Cup and vanished, Voldemort mused aloud, "Maybe Longbottom will put up a better fight?"


	2. Chapter 2

Voldemort sat on his throne, brooding. He only half-listened to some report from a Death Eater whose name he never bothered to learn. His thoughts were directed toward the much more important problem that was Potter, and how much he sucked as a nemesis. After the whole graveyard debacle he went to visit Longbottom to see if he was up to snuff.

Unfortunately, he had been even worse than Potter. Longbottom hadn't even managed to get a spell out, due to how much he was stuttering, and had actually pissed his pants in fear. Voldemort had left after that, and thank god he hadn't invited any followers to come watch. Somehow Potter was the better of the two, since he could move around a little and cast spells, even if his spell choices were a pile of shit.

This was completely unacceptable. He needed a nemesis that could actual make him look good, and much to his ire only Potter and Longbottom fit the prophecy. He already got beat by a baby; if he got beaten by those two chumps he would be the laughing stock of dark lords everywhere. That is when the most brilliant idea ever occurred to Voldemort. Potter at least had a backbone, even if he was an imbecile, so all he had to do was train him up to be a rival worth slaying in combat. Yes. The more he thought about this plan the more he liked it.

"I am going out on an extended trip and I need a single volunteer. It will be extremely dangerous but the reward is high," he pronounced.

What's-His-Face, the Death Eater that had been droning on and on next to him, said, "I would be willing to lay down my life for you, my lord. Choose me."

"Very well then. You shall be immortalized in history for aiding me in my conquest of Britain," proclaimed Voldemort. Sucker.

He and What's-His-Face later apparated to the neighborhood that Potter lived in. It stank of muggles and mediocrity, almost causing Voldemort to reach. No wonder Potter was such a failure. Voldemort looked around for the various defenses that Dumbledore no doubt put up to foil his genius scheme, but after a minute, Voldemort looked around confused. All he could find was the blood protection that now ignored him since he shared Potter's blood and some asshole under an invisibility cloak. He spent the next half an hour trying to discover the obviously well hidden traps, before concluding that there was nothing else there, much to his continued confusion.

Voldemort killed the watcher and stole his cloak. ‘Leave no corpse unlooted’ he always said. He then headed into Potter's house, What's-His-Face trailing behind him. He murmured the Homenum Revelio spell and checked the first bedroom with only one person inside, finding Potter within. He then turned his wand to a doodad of Potter’s and said "Portus." He motioned for his follower to take his hand, then touched Potter with the port key and they all left the awful smelly muggle abode.

They popped into an old safe house of his from back before his first attempt to conquer Britain. Nobody would be interrupting his lesson plan here. He then pointed his wand at What's-His-Face and said "Incarcerous." Ropes shot out, binding and gagging his faithful target dummy. Potter was flailing on the ground, but made no attempts to attack him, disappointingly. "Potter, are you going to attack me or not?" he asked.

Potter spoke up, "Who are you? Where are my glasses?"

Whoops. Voldemort knew he was forgetting something. "Be back in a bit." He then made a second port key and traveled back to Potter's room. He quickly spotted Potter's glasses next to his wand on the bureau next to his bed. 'What kind of wizard doesn’t sleep with his wand?' thought Voldemort as he shook his head. When Voldemort got back he tossed Potter's things to him and said, "Right, time to start your dueling lessons."

"Wait what?" said Potter as he put on his glasses. "Why are you teaching me how to duel?"

"Because it is shameful to have a nincompoop like you defeat me in any capacity. So I am going to make you into a dueling machine. That way our final battle shall be suitably epic," explained Voldemort patiently. "Right then first lesson: dodging. Ready?"

"N-" stared Potter.

"Crucio!" yelled Voldemort. He watched Potter flop around for few seconds before ending the spell. "Potter, you call that dodging? You're terrible!"


End file.
